wake me up when this is all over

I am sad and very upset that it has come to this. Tomorrow, I will turn over all wedding preparation details to my fiance.

For the past couple of months, I have been upset with him over wedding preps. There were some things that I told him to attend to much earlier but lo and behold, he simply ignored and did only when he felt like doing them. I know it is against the nature of men to plan, execute and scrutinize wedding details so I assigned tasks which I felt were in his alley. A few tasks that I cannot do, and yet, he would cram and do them at the last minute.

Yesterday, something to this effect happened again, and today, I snapped. Somehow, I cannot bear another crying session by myself. Another moment of getting really annoyed over something that should have been attended to, or done a few months ago at the very least.

Today will be our canonical interview. For information purposes, it's the interview you do with the priest before you get married. It is a must in all Catholic churches. In the church where we want to wed, they refuse to accept our reservation until we have passed (I repeat pass) the interview.

I snapped because I brought up the idea of practicing our answers, just to make sure that we are on the same page. That we are not caught off guard by questions that we did not prepare for. However, he asked me, in that same nonchalant tone that I have grown to resent " Na-aano kaba sa interview?" Simply put, he couldnt believe that I was worrying too much about it.

He texted me today and he explained his side. But it was just another of one too many incidents. Of nonchalant tones. Of things not attended. Of deadlines moved. Of things when my veins are throbbing and yet, the only answer I can get comes in a nonchalant tone.

Money does not grow on trees and I have long accepted that there are some things that we cant have on our wedding due to money constraints. Like preps in a five star hotel suite. a limo bridal car and so on. That's why I have worked very hard to make small details count. To make things as perfect as they can be despite our budget limitations.

But today, I've had enough. I did not listen to reason. I cannot accept excuses and explanations.

I will turn over almost all preparations to him. Tasks that need to be done. Payment schedules that need to be fulfilled. I might regret it in the end, but I am in a masochist mode and I am almost hoping for everything to fail so that finally, I can say, "I told you so.
"
sigh**