Reese turned 10 months today and as crazy as it may sound, I(spare hubby since we havent really talked about it) am already having issues of having to spoil him- mostly in ways he does not even understand and cannot remember yet.
Today I dropped by a bangketa to buy coin banks for myself and an officemate. Lo and behold I bought more than coin banks and found myself holding a toy car for Reese. The toy car was just 10 pesos so the question was not the price but this seemingly building habit of giving things he did not ask for and worse, he does not completely need- even taking out the "practicality" issue of toys because he already has a ton of toys at home.
I am worried that I will continue to be like this in the future, that I will keep buying things he does not need, I cannot afford, things that are less practical or things that should be earned but given to him the easy way. Let's not even get into things that he want because as early as now, he sometimes gets his way even if he isn't supposed to. Somehow, it is easier to let him eat that extra cracker even though he's full than to put up with his whining.
I am deeply contemplating whether we should push through with his first birthday party. A few weeks ago, an opportunity to buy a house presented itself and everything was perfect except for the fact that we are highly relying on my parents to help us come up with the money initially and then to avail of a housing loan. The practical thing to do is to forego the party and just use our fund to help augment the amount but my stage mother genes are crying in protest. I cannot easily let go of the whole concept- the customized bubble bottle labels hubby and I printed and pasted, the Madagascar stickers I got and the jars I bought for the candy buffet. My head is still swirling with images of Reese wading in a swimming pool and children having a good time in his party. I wish there was an off button to it all, so that it won't have to pain me as much.
In as much as I want to pretend that I can stop it, I know for a fact that I would still have struggles like this in the future. As I have said time and again, parents can either love their children so much that they would give them the world or love them so little that they dont give a damn about their children. I love Reese with all of my heart and I just hope that somehow I would learn to be a responsible parent as well- a parent who disciplines her child the way my parents have done to me and one who knows boundaries and can say no. For the mean time, I would let the growling stage mother take the center spot and bask in the glory of bringing a 10-peso toy car to her 10th month old boy.
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| I should probably have another one in my work desk since it cheers me up knowing that my darling boy is playing with this at home as well. |
Forgive me for the cheesiness, he just turned 10th month today and coupled with PMS, they are the perfect recipe to a post like this. :)
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