Reese's under the sea party at three

Given that Reese is an only child, I feel guilty not holding a birthday party for him. Adding the fact that my parents and my husband's parents live on both ends of the Metro, we held two simple parties last year and I felt like we could have made it better with one bigger party. So that's what we did this year and given that he is such a water baby, I wanted the theme to be under the sea. Here's a round down of supplies and other stuff we used for the party.

Jellyfish and Backdrop Decor: DIY, Labor of Love with my sisters

Technically, I only spent about 200php for all the materials for the backdrop but it was so laborious and time consuming!! The jellyfish took the most time, as we spent about three weekends, 4 hours each, just twisting the tentacles for the bodies and completing multiple cartoon marathons in the process. We were able to make 12 in total. 

Jellyfish: The body is a half moon colored paper while the tentacles are crepe paper. Cant find the tutorial we used, but basically, you have to cut the crepe paper into 2-inch thick strands, twist it every inch or so and the length and number of tentacles per jellyfish depends on you. 

"Waves" : They're cut out japanese paper though we made them way too early so some were crumpled on the day but still, I think they were nice :)

Credits to kara'spartyideas.com where we got the inspiration :) 

Please check out the full post on:
http://karaspartyideas.com/2013/08/under-the-sea-water-party.html/under-the-sea-12

Name and # 3: I cut out the letters from carton and used 1-inch colored paper squares. It looked okay but they were freakin' heavy for the curtain and after a few minutes, the last "E" kept falling, so note to self, think of something else.

Thingies:

Star Balloons: 80php/dozen, Divisoria (No sticks, not blown)

We have a suki stall in 168 mall, somewhere between Sta Elena and Soler wing, on the 2nd floor, though I'm bad with directions I cant exactly tell you where it is. Hahahaha. Anyway, that shop has two stalls facing each other and they have most party supplies you can think of- from this type of balloons, to other shapes, to paper lanterns, to lootbag items, to baptism souvenirs so I suggest you check it out if you're hosting a party and looking for multiple supplies.

We used supposed choco sticks to prop the balloons and my son loved them so much, he broke about 2 balloons even before the birthday from too much playing. Hehehehe

Brownies Tower:

Divisoria- 12php candle, 35php pack of plates, 35 peso pack of toothpicks and liners

Cafe Mary Grace: 300 for 16 pieces of brownies

Goldilocks: 207 for 25-pc brownie pack

Tower: Bought in 2015 in Dapitan Arcade, 600

Not bad for 800 php, right?

Story: I didnt want to avail the usual fondant cake as the cheapest ones are 1k and up, only to serve as display on the event. I originally wanted donuts but they proved trickier to arrange so we ended up with brownies.

* I cut a 9 piece square from the Mary Grace brownies to serve as the "main cake" and stuck 

toothpicks and the candle to it

* I transferred the Goldilocks brownies to the liners to give them an oomph....and hubby's cousin

even asked me where I ordered them. Hahahahaha

*Later on, we ran out of liners and I cut the paper plates to make them smaller and used them to hold the brownies.

Pencil Case Lootbags

Pencil Case: 72/dozen, Divisoria(Juan Luna St)

Key Chain: 36/dozen, Divisoria(Juan Luna St)

Stickers: 40/pack, National Bookstore

Assorted Candies and Choco: Grocery

Total Cost per pencil case: about 30 php

Story: I was appalled at the prices of lootbags, some as expensive as 20 php(so I need to spend about 50php for the contents to do justice to a 20php paper bag????), and some though at 2php each, looked like glorified sando bags(bit snotty but just being honest). Good thing I came across these pencil cases and asked hubby to make monograms- one side sea animals and one side reese at 3 and filled them with candies. :)

so cute!!!

Including the pool, I spent about 10k plus a few things that my mom, sister and my sister-in-law shouldered, so we spent about 13k, and seeing Reese so happy made it worth it... though it might take time for me to consider hosting another party like this.. hahahaha

If Reese is happy, Mama's happy too! :)

Bye and till the next post!

My son after GBS

I am writing this post more for parents whose children have/had Guillain-Barré syndrome, or GBS for short. Since this disease is rare and information is scarce, I know how hard it is to find first hand information out there. I also know that there are some who post in forums and search engine sites but if you're like me who doesn't fancy reading exchanges through forums, then this post is for you.

To give you an overview, here are my boys details:

>He had his MMR booster/vaccination on June 13, 2014. He was 1.1 years old at that time

(After that, I cannot remember exact dates but here's what happened)

>He developed cough and flu like symptoms on June 16 after we went swimming in the river

>We did self-medication of anti-biotics on June 22 due to on-off fever of 38-39 degrees

>His fever stopped but his physical condition got worse after that and by June 26, he was much much weaker and couldnt stand up

>The first pedia misdiagnosed it as dehydration and we started on fluids on June 26 but since he wasnt getting better, we brought him to another doctor on June 30

>He was confined on June 30 and diagnosed with GBS on July 1

>We started with IV IG on the night of July 2 and stopped on July 6

>He was discharged on July 8 and did Physical Rehabilitation until September 2014(3 months)

>He was able to walk again in October 2014

The first day he was able to walk again ^_^

Here are info that I still remember from our hospitalization

> My son vomitted on the last night of the IV IG procedure. Doctors said it is not a normal response to the IG so they deemed it safe to continue the intake. He also vomitted the day after that and though the doctors think it might be caused by overfeeding, I think it was due to high blood pressure because at that time, my son's bp was ranging from 110-120/80, pretty high numbers for a toddler. IV IG causes high blood pressure since its basically concentrated form of blood/anti-bodies.

> Doctors told us that he will be able to walk approximately 6 months to a year after he was discharged though he was able to do it in 3 months. They say that GBS progresses more quickly in younger patients but the good side is, since their bodies have not been exposed to "damage" from unhealthy food, alcohol, etc., they also recover more quickly, which was the case for him since he had it so young. We take this as a big blessing from God because I have watched videos of GBS patients in hospitals who were bedridden for MONTHS.

Life Two Years after GBS

Now, our son is up and about and people who never knew his illness wouldnt know that he had to face such a condition. However, we believe that his body has not "fully recovered" from the trauma of the disease because

1. In those 3 months that he was unable to walk, we view it as a recuperating process, meaning that when he was able to walk in October, he was back to his old self in June. Thus, we technically lost about 6 months in development since he was not able to move forward for 4 months and because he was still recuperating as time went by, his over all development only continued a few months after he was able to walk again. Thus, when I look at my boy who is 2 years and 11 months old, I believe his over-all development is closer to that of a 2 year and 6 month old boy, given that he was able to catch up a bit from the delay. His peers are much taller than him and are able to talk more. However, I believe the situation also enabled him to develop his socio-emotional skills better- because he understands sharing, time outs, saying sorry and remorse, as well as pretend play(which I normally saw in 3 and 4 year olds when I was a teacher).

2. It is hard to look for scientific evidence for it but I think trauma caused him to be delayed in speech and other areas of development. I am constantly looking for mothers' accounts that say that after a traumatic experience, their child seemed unwilling to try to talk. GBS was traumatic for our son in 2 accounts- he understands the medical staff's work and fears all of them from doctors to nurses to medical technician and he remembers the experience of being unable to walk during and after the sickness. At present, our son would only talk a few words- family members, a few animals, food he likes and for the rest, rely on gestures to express himself.

Such a water baby! A video at the beach of informal speech practice

3. Be wary of some doctors, because not all are genuinely interested to help you. 

Given the rarity of the disease, curiosity and technicality gets the better of some doctors, and to date we experienced 4 doctors. 1) During our hospitalization, we encountered a doctor who rated my son's physical movement as 0(I believe on a scale of 1/5) and it was really really upsetting, seeing my son exert effort to move his legs. 2) A different one, a resident(who I believe has not encountered a pediatric GBS case before) asked me over and over again information about his history, information she would been able to see on the chart.

Afterwards, it was extra hard to find pediatricians that we trust and believe can cure our son's sickness unrelated to GBS. 3) One profusely argued with me about the connection of vaccines and the syndrome. 4) Another treated my son like a fragile glass and concluded that he is ultra-sensitive and thus prohibited from getting sunlight, eating chocolates and doing anything else that might be dangerous or cause allergies. She even advised us to lessen salt in our dishes, which as far-fetched as it may sound, seem to come from her desire for me to lose weight given that I'm overweight and had nothing to do with my son. It took a while of trials and errors before we were able to find the perfect fit, a doctor that we trusted to truly be able to cure him for other diseases and illnesses. 

I'll end this note by saying that experiencing GBS was one of the hardest yet meaningful experiences my husband and I had as parents. It's one of those things that you wish came with a manual but at the same time brought out the best in us, and show us that other than what we have previously done, we are capable of more love as parents. 

If there are other things you wish to discuss or simply want to talk to somebody about the experience, feel free to drop me a line!

Cheers!

Independence & letting our children go

Last night, Reese slept on a bed on his own. Technically, his "bed" was right next to ours, he still climbed to ours when he asked for milk but from any perspective, he slept by himself.

Excited about this new arrangement!

The pretend play started a few days back, when he would get a mat(meant for the sofa), lie on it and close his eyes. Last night, however, hubby prodded and prodded him but the boy simply smiled at us, showing that he really means to sleep there. Worried that it might be too cold and hard for him, we created a space for him with all his pillows. He was so happy and when I tried to overdo it by adding a comforter, he said "Hindi", meaning "no, the mat and the pillows are enough".

Last night was a gentle reminder that I aim to be a parent that allows my son to experience things, far from my teenage years of lying my way through "firsts", because my mom wouldn't let me experience them if I asked permission. Lying to watch a concert for the first time. Lying about an out of town because I was travelling with my boyfriend. It was quite a blow as an adult, a woman with a job who still feels the need to lie to her mother for fear of being reprimanded. It was a reminder that unlike what I did to my mom, I prefer to know my son's decisions because in the end, I'd wish to know where he is even if I think the activity is too dangerous, far away,  or expensive- because it is part of letting them make their own mistakes.

  It was an eye opener, a gentle reminder that our children are not our own. Parents are here to guide them, raise them and educate them, but we have to let them go, let them be the individuals that they are meant to be, regardless if  we are ready to do so or not.

Nag-pose pa talaga!

I got teary eyed because my boy is still stuck at one word sentences( his age is expected to be able to carry 2-3 word sentences at a time), and here he is, wanting to sleep by himself. Today, it's about the bed and a few months from now, it might be something else. That's the thing with being a mom. The concern changes but the feeling doesn't- a mother will always care. It never gets easier-it's just an ever morphing ride of caring about something else that affects your child

So today, I lock away the mom who wants to protect her child from every little thing and prod the one who's willing to let her son be independent.

Under The Sea Party @ Three

The stage mother is back!!! Hehehe. Our darling Reese will turn three in May, and of course, three months into the date, ze stage mother (aka: ME), had a Eureka moment and decided that the theme will be, yes, UNDER THE SEA.

Our boy is such a water baby that at this point, he only had two ways to look post swimming:

1) You're-the-meanest-parent-ever-for-asking-me-to-stop-swimming 

(IF we ask him to stop swimming at the right time)

OR

2) I-don't-feel-cold-I'm-still-okay-don't-mind-me 

(IF we wait for that wrinkly-palm moment when his teeth start to chatter from the cold)

Hence, it was suppah easy to pick this theme because it fits our boy annnndd and goes along the usual shades of blue. Why Blue? Because even if I am gender-sensitive and all, most products for boys(from clothes to party favors to rash gards, almost every freakin' thing) are blue, so this makes my life hella easier.

Since this is a party in the making, can't show you my own pics yet, but here's a mix of pics I found online if you're interested in the same theme.

I can just see myself rockin' those fish cut outs! The original picture came from 
http://karaspartyideas.com/2013/08/under-the-sea-water-party.html

Such Cute Food Toppers! 

I'm not completely sold on the sand-pail thing but I like the contrast of blue and orange

It won't be complete without the personalized lootbags!!!

Not an octopus but a starfish, perhaps? Hehehe

Might replace that big annoying figurine of Spongebob but other than that, this looks perfect!
(Goldilocks)

I'll be back with updates on the toppers and all once I'm done and a thought bubble comes along. Ciao!!!

Gullain-Barre Syndrome and your role as parents

And the blogging backlog continues! :P

I was all set on writing an entry about all things mushy about our recent ordeal six months ago but I realized that it aint gonna help anybody but myself. Writing about mushy things would help me vent out the emotional pain I experienced while Reese was in a hospital. Meanwhile, writing about our experience on the actual disease could and might help others, so here I am, telling you about it.

I wouldn't go all technical about the disease because you can read that elsewhere from people who are more qualified to tell you about it but here are our personal notes about things that we(hubby and I) think might have played a part or symptoms regarding his disease.

1. Medical staff just refuse to give babies vaccines when they are sick but they fail to highlight that vaccines can actual make them prone to be sick.

GBS usually stems from cough and in Reese's case, we believe he had a cough because he had immunization two days before we went swimming, and the combination of the two contributed to him being sick. Sure, you can say that the fault remains with us in allowing him to swim (which we believe caused his cough) but still, I think the vaccine made his immune system weaker. So the questions linger in my mind: What if we waited in giving him the vaccine? What if we didnt let him swim too long? For now these are all what ifs, but to those of you who are only about to have their children's immunization, it can spell a world of difference.

2. Doctors are brilliant people but they are people nonetheless, so they can make mistakes and their mistakes can be graver given the nature of their work.

Reese's pedia diagnosed him to be dehydrated and we couldn't blame him- his lips were dry and chapped, he didnt have energy, his face was drooping. He recommended for Reese to do oral rehydration without requesting for a test confirming his electrolyte level. We followed his recommendation for three days and when Reese didnt improve, we were advised to go to a different hospital. Nonetheless, always be vigilant about the doctor's course of action and dont hesitate to ask if you feel like something is not right.

3. Do not second guess your instinct as a parent. Do what you feel is best for your child.
From the time that Reese's symptoms started to get worse, Arnold and I couldnt decide on what to do-whether to bring him to the doctor immediately, to wait out a few days, to self medicate and so on. After that, we promised to each other that we would never second guess again and bring him to the hospital once symptoms to any sort of disease become evident. Their symptoms worsen very quickly but in the same they also recover very fast so the best way is to diagnose diseases early so they can be addressed as soon as possible.

Like I have said time and again, Reese having had GBS was the hardest ordeal we had to go through and we wish that in as much as we can(given our limited resources), we can share our experience to ensure that fewer and fewer people will deal with this disease. We are happy to say that Reese has surpassed the doctor's projections that he will be able to walk again within 6 months-1 year after his hospitalization, because he was able to do it in four months. 

He lost a lot of weight then but he is literally back on his feet and bubblier than ever :)

I hope these bits of info help you. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have concerns/questions.. God Bless us all!

Aligaga- Day In, Day out. Repeat

Reese was sick for more than two weeks- from cough to GBS to physical therapy and without thinking twice, I would tell you that it has been the hardest since our parenting days began. Before I started this entry, I thought I had my thoughts collected but as I went along, I found myself lost for words. 

Remembering how sick he was at this point breaks my heart </3

Because that's the thing with parenting. Some say and you tell yourself as well that it gets easier as they age but it doesnt. I remember my mom quoting an officemate, who complained that her son asked her mommy to buy milk for her apo. Mom's officemate complained that she thought her problems would end after her son got married but my mom just laughed and said "Buti kung hindi mo na anak yun kapag nagasawa na."- Short of saying that parenting concerns change as they age but it's parenting nonetheless.

When Reese was newborn, the hardest thing was waking up every two hours to feed him and I told myself that it'll be better when he gets older. When he got older, he liked playing at around 2 or 3 am and watch music videos so still, the sleep was elusive. When he turned 5 months, he slept soundly through the night but he would roll over a lot, so Arnold and I had to sleep in an L-formation so he wouldn't fall off the bed. When we moved to our new home, he quickly learned how to go down the bed by himself so we had to wake up when he did because he's walk towards plugs and appliances in a jiffy.

See, that's how crazy parenting is. It's a double bladed sword in the sense that it's the thing that brings me the most joy and yet it's the thing that can hurt the most. It's inevitable when you love something so purely, when you love somebody beyond the way you love yourself.

Somehow, most days, it's the hardest to find that sweet spot of loving your child just enough so that they know it without causing him or myself damage. Every morning, I struggle to leave because it's when we bond the most, but at the same time, I don't want be late for work. I have to manage our finances well but every car and musical toy and pajama set and comfy shirt seem for Reese seem to wink at me. These are everyday choices as parents and most days, I have to keep "personal score" to make sure that I'm not leaning too much towards one side.

So yes, I'm usually aligaga, still trying to figure out how to be a good parent and balancing it between cooking meals and being a wife and work and part time jobs and mountaineering and family stuff. I hope that you, my dear reader is doing just fine doing more or less the same thing. Until the next post!

An entry that is 373 days late

I gave birth to Reese on May 18, 2013 at 5:30 in the afternoon and yet I can remember most, if not all the details. This might be the longest kwento in my blog history ever, so brace yourself if you do decide to read it :)

I was at 38 weeks so I had weekly check ups, which was set on that day. It was Saturday and we arrived at the hospital past 10:00 am and we were wondering if the line in the outpatient clinic was long. We would go to Trinoma after, have lunch there, then sleep over at my in-laws, savoring our final weeks of "freedom" before Reese came. The week prior, my bp shot up to 140 from its usual 110 so I was excited to see if the meds worked.

11:30am

Lo and behold, when I stepped into Dr. Lim's clinic, it was still at 140. My doctor was concerned because the meds didn't work and asked me to buy a different one. Hubby said that when I was away, she expressed concern over my blood pressure, being that I'm already full term and could give birth every moment. I was feeling nervous myself and then she called a nurse and asked her to repeat taking my pressure just to be sure. Boom, it was 180/100.

12:30nn

The doctor said she couldn't let me go home with my bp so high. She said that if my bp goes down within the day, I can go home but if not, they would perform a c-section within the day. I was endorsed to the emergency room. In the ER, the nurse raised eyebrows at my very lavender nails(sorry, I was supposed to attend a wedding the week before if not for my bp!) and cleaned them. In a bit, they inserted a catheter which gave the weirdest feeling eveeeeer- it's like peeing non-stop  and you feel like it would fall off any moment, but not really. They also gave me a series of new meds, which were all supposed to lower my bp but to no avail. One was the weirdest of all as it made me feel as if my whole body was exposed to a gigantic hair blower, which lasted for about 15 minutes but even that didn't help. At about 1:00pm, an elderly guy walked in and was put in the bed next to mine and he kept breathing heavily. The nurses must have seen the horrified look on my face and pulled the curtains on my bed so I couldn't see the elderly man anymore.

Ang landi kasi ni buntis, ayan tuloi 

2:30pm

It has been more than 2 hours since I stepped in at the ER and believe it or not, it was only at this point that I gave up hopes of my KFC lunch in Trinoma. My BP would range between 150-170 so they decided to endorse me to the Labor Room. 

It was so weird going up the ramp- I felt like I would fall off any moment and I kept thinking on how embarrassing it would be to be probably the first person to fall off a hospital cot. (Pardon the mundane concerns I was thinking of, I have never been hospitalized in my life). I didn't fall off(thank goodness) and I passed by one other room where two women were in labor. I was brought to the second room and I was alone. I requested if I could talk to my husband but they said no, and it would have to wait. They continued what was being done downstairs- checking my bp, giving me meds, checking Reese's heart monitor. 

Since the heavily-breathing elder was gone and probably due to the cooler room temperature, my bp was between 140-160. I was elated but they didn't seem so. Reese's heart rate wasn't a concern, it was always between 130-145, which was really good and normal. In moments when the nurses went out, I would rub my belly and talk to him, but my little guy didn't seem to be in the mood for bonding.

The nurses acted as if I wasn't there and went about to talk about "stuff". There were two of them and one was named Jenny. She told the other that she has a salary dispute and went on to explain why and the other advised her on what to do. I was amused at how everything was so normal to them whereas I was undergoing one of the biggest moments of my life. I wasn't really angry, just amused at how nonchalant they were about the whole thing.

Another hospital staff came in and I wasn't sure if she was a doctor or a nurse. She gave me a piece of paper and asked me to write my baby's name on it. She came back in a bit and showed me two tags. One had my name and the other had Reese's. She went on to explain that I would wear my tag and if Reese would be born that day, he would wear the one with his.

After that, there were four people who were constantly checking on me- a very rude male doctor, a female staff and the two nurses. The female staff asked me to sign some forms and stuff. The rude male doctor injected magnesium on my butt cheeks, which he explained to me was supposed to prevent convulsions. He kept making jabs at my weight and bp, saying that I shouldn't eat too much chicharon the next time I get pregnant if I don't want him to inject that magnesium again in my butt. He's lucky that he was freaking ugly already, that mine and Reese's lives depended on his and that the magnesium hurt so bad. If not, I would have punched him right at his stupid unprofessional face till he looked like a goblin. He injected the magnesium one butt cheek at a time and it was the most painful thing ever out of this whole experience. I felt the magnesium seep through my body, passing through my veins and I stopped moaning after a while because it took away all the energy I had. I kept crying and all I wanted was for it to stop.

The rude doctor might have given a signal or something, or it was probably my ob, or Jenny the nurse might have settled her salary dispute but they did let me talk to Arnold after that. He was wearing a mask, lab gown and all, so that he'd be allowed to enter the labor room. He kept stroking my hair, as if I was a baby and he was much calmer than the Arnold who was with me in the ER. He told me not to be nervous, that my sister was waiting with him outside, that they'd be in the room once I got out. I just smiled and didn't let him know about the painful injection since it might cause him to panic again. We parted ways and he went outside again.

The female staff walked in and asked me if I was ready and said "Mommy, ready kana? wow! birthday na ni baby today". It sank in that yes, his birthday would be May 18, 2013. 5-18-13. I pondered if it would have been better if he was born on a different day and I realized that I didn't have a choice anyway, so whatevs. Dr. Lim walked in, all smiles and said that she'd do an IE. She said that my cervix was very much closed, that she talked to Arnold, and confirmed that we'd do the CS that afternoon. She said she doesn't want to take risks and when I nodded, she stepped out and a new set of staff assisted me to the delivery room.

4:45pm
They prepped me for surgery in the delivery room. I realized that there was nothing special about the room- it was like one big bathroom and it was actually the people and the equipment that made it remarkable. One of them was dismayed that my hooha wasn't shaved and said "Ay, hindi nga pala nagpapashave si Dra. Lim".  I wanted to answer back but the lady didn't talk to me at all so I thought, why bother? The anesthesiologist, Dr. Bernardino, did his first attempt to inject the anesthesia. It was easier said than done and before long, he asked the assistance of Jenny the nurse to help me bend so he can inject the meds. In a bit, he became successful and asked me a series of questions to check that the anesthesia was working. It was and though I could feel him poke my thighs, they were numb and he could've dropped a hammer and I wouldn't feel a thing. 

Doc Alice walked in and asked me, "April, ano na nga ulit baby mo?" Sabi ko " Boy po". Sabi nya, "start na tau". At this point, I couldn't see her anymore as the big cloth has been put to obscure my view. They started talking in technical terms as SOP that the operation has begun. Dr. Bernardino kept asking me to sleep but I didn't want to. I've never been hospitalized and damn it, I'd stay awake every freaking minute throughout this operation if I could. I did space out on certain times and when I asked if they've taken out Reese already, he replied, "ayun na sha o, yung umiiyak sa kabila". It was music to my ears. In next to no time, I knew that they were done and soon, one nurse was counting the instruments. Dr. Bernardino kept saying that he wanted Bulalo, and again, the normality was beyond me.

I couldnt believe that he was only 5.9 lbs, given how big my belly was

6:15PM

By this time I was mostly alone in the room except for a female nurse who I assume was designated to look after me. I told her it was hot, so she kindly turned on the air-conditioner back on and we didn't talk much. I asked her what time we would go up and she said at about 9pm. It was one of the longest waits of my life. I couldn't sleep and I kept looking at my belly and I thought that I should have taken a photo once I found out that this would be the last day of my pregnancy. 

9:00pm
The female nurse came back holding Reese and it was the most surreal moment of my life. I cant believe I was meeting the boy who was with me for nine months. I cant believe how small he was. I said "Anak, sinong kamukha mo?" and the nurse said "Baby sumagot ka nga." I guess it was hospital protocol and she showed me Reese's junk and his tag that was shown to me a while back.  It would have been the happiest moment of my life if not for the next thing that she said " Mommy, kakausapin ka po ni Doctora Roque, ung pedia".

Hindi ako sigurado kung sinong kamukha ni Reese- basta cgurado lang akong hindi ako

9:30pm
Dr. Roque talked to me in the alley and she then asked me the scariest questions you can ask a mom who just gave birth:

"Mommy, nagkasakit kaba nung buntis ka? Anong sakit mo? Uminom kaba ng gamot nung nagka-uti ka?"

"Regular kaba nagpapa-check up? Gaano kadalas? Kelan ka nagsimulang magpacheck-up"

"Mataas ang bacteria count ng baby mo, i-antibiotics natin sha. Ayoko mag take ng risk, huwag na natin hintaying maging malala si baby bago natin agapan kung kelan grabe na."

It broke my heart that Reese had to take meds being so young and that I would spend the night in the ob ward without him. I was poker-faced when I saw my hubby and my sister when I entered the room and I dunno how I survived until the next day- because I was delirious with hunger, thirst, the physical pain of the fading effects of anesthesia and the emotional pain of spending the night without my little boy.

Fast forward to today and Arnold and I are the parents to a boy who:

Loooooooooooooves going outside and swimming. 
Weighs about 12 kilograms, or more like a ton of limestone by the way it feels
Couldn't care less about what's on tv but likes dance music,especially mash ups
can say "tata" and "nana" to refer to Arnold and I, and "da-da" to things that he likes
I love more than anybody and anything in this world.

Happy 1st birthday and 8 days my dear. My blog post might be one year and 8 days late but worry not that my love is any less than the first day I met you <3

No matter how big you get, you will always be my baby boy :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

A mother's struggle: To spoil or not to spoil my child

Reese turned 10 months today and as crazy as it may sound, I(spare hubby since we havent really talked about it) am already having issues of having to spoil him- mostly in ways he does not even understand and cannot remember yet. 

Today I dropped by a bangketa to buy coin banks for myself and an officemate. Lo and behold I bought more than coin banks and found myself holding a toy car for Reese. The toy car was just 10 pesos so the question was not the price but this seemingly building habit of giving things he did not ask for and worse, he does not completely need- even taking out the "practicality" issue of toys because he already has a ton of toys at home.

I am worried that I will continue to be like this in the future, that I will keep buying things he does not need, I cannot afford, things that are less practical or things that should be earned but given to him the easy way. Let's not even get into things that he want because as early as now, he sometimes gets his way even if he isn't supposed to. Somehow, it is easier to let him eat that extra cracker even though he's full than to put up with his whining. 

I am deeply contemplating whether we should push through with his first birthday party. A few weeks ago, an opportunity to buy a house presented itself and everything was perfect except for the fact that we are highly relying on my parents to help us come up with the money initially and then to avail of a housing loan. The practical thing to do is to forego the party and just use our fund to help augment the amount but my stage mother genes are crying in protest. I cannot easily let go of the whole concept- the customized bubble bottle labels hubby and I printed and pasted, the Madagascar stickers I got and the jars I bought for the candy buffet. My head is still swirling with images of Reese wading in a swimming pool and children having a good time in his party. I wish there was an off button to it all, so that it won't have to pain me as much.

In as much as I want to pretend that I can stop it, I know for a fact that I would still have struggles like this in the future. As I have said time and again, parents can either love their children so much that they would give them the world or love them so little that they dont give a damn about their children. I love Reese with all of my heart and I just hope that somehow I would learn to be a responsible parent as well- a parent who disciplines her child the way my parents have done to me and one who knows boundaries and can say no. For the mean time, I would let the growling stage mother take the center spot and bask in the glory of bringing a 10-peso toy car to her 10th month old boy.

I should probably have another one in my work desk since it cheers me up knowing that
my darling boy is playing with this at home as well.

Forgive me for the cheesiness, he just turned 10th month today and coupled with PMS, they are the perfect recipe to a post like this.  :)

Tired. Just tired.

For about the last six weeks or so, Reese has been waking up at about 4am, sometimes even earlier every morning without fail. He would be demanding in the sense that he doesnt want to play if Arnold and I are sleeping, and wants one of us to bring him downstairs to his crib and play with him. 

Boy Likot, Boy Kulit and Boy daldal who hardly likes to stay put

There were days when it was okay and I would manage after snoozing in the car for a few minutes. But of late, it has been starting to build up, and weeks and days of being sleep deprived are creeping up on me.

I convince myself that it would be better on weekends, but weekends are usually filled with "personal" duties and tasks- buying tv for my grandmother, visiting the in-laws, getting the sister ready for prom, 3 day sale and what have you. Dreams of spending the whole day in bed are elusive, non-existent and close to impossible that an imaginary bitch(or possibly existential) might be laughing her head off somewhere as she watches my misery.

Ze sister on her prom day :)

Most people say they can get by on 5-6 hours of sleep everyday but I can't. I don't want to. I yearn the days when sleep was a privilege and not a luxury, not a treasure that was out of bounds. It sounds coo-coo but I wish people would invent pills or energy drinks that make up for the lack of sleep, not by giving you energy but by multiplying the effects of the sleep a person's get- like telling my body that I actually had 8 hours of sleep instead of 4. or 5. 

Today, my boss in my part time job sent me a message that she is alarmed about me being unable to meet the daily deadline and it gives me the creeps to think that I might get fired. I have been doing this raket for four years and I have no plans of stopping anytime soon, as it provides an outlet to continue practicing my teaching profession in one way or another.

So please, dear God, help me find a way to have more sleep without sacrificing time with Reese. or work. or our finances. Otherwise, please send a magic lamp with a genie that would magically allow my body to accept that days of 8 or more hours of sleep are simply a thing of the past. Calling my fairy godmother, if you have been hiding somewhere and have been planning on revealing yourself, now would be the perfect time to do so.

Thoughts On Baby # 2

Before you jump to conclusions, no, I am not pregnant, and no plans of having a second one within the year. Haha! However, I do admit that I am at a crossroad because of my check-up yesterday.


I had pre-eclampsia when I gave birth to Reese- My BP rose to 180/100 in the few hours leading to my c section. Reese had medication since his birthday for a week because he got affected by my UTI. After that, it took a while for my health to be back to "normal" and until now, my weight is slighter greater than what it used to be. Late last year, I had UTI again and there was still protein trace, a concern because my BP is still at 120 and it meant that my kidneys cannot process protein properly. The doctor told me that I had to do a repeat urinalysis after a few weeks and if there was still protein trace, I would have to do a kidney ultrasound and we would talk about the intervention from then.

Tuesday night, my hips hurt and so I decided to have a check up and finally do the repeat urinalysis. I was grinning like crazy when I saw the result- no more protein trace!! The doctor said the pain is probably from carrying heavy "things", and given that Reese is currently 9 kilograms, it was perfect understandable.

After that, the next thing that came to mind was baby # 2. Before, I was on a 70-30 standing that I dont want to have a second baby. Thinking about the sleepless nights of pregnancy, the things I werent allowed to do, the crazy hormones, the terrifying experience at the hospital, I was almost certain that Reese was enough. But that urinalysis did wonders in swaying my mindset.. I won't lie in saying that since Reese is a boy, we do want a daughter for a second baby.

I stayed in dreamland for the rest of the day thinking about pink tutus and ballerina gowns and doll shoes and the prospect of sharing boyfriend stories with an imaginary daughter.

and I'm back in dreamland :)

And so I decided that for us to really have a second baby(hopefully a girl), there are three conditions I want to set on myself

1. I must have transferred to a new job with better pay.
-The keywords here are transferred and better pay. Don't get me wrong, my present job isn't that bad but if I do get pregnant, it means having to stay another year or so, which I'm not sure if I am willing to do so. Second, our current income is barely enough for our expenses and if there will be another baby in tow, it wont be enough for the four of us.

It'll be nice if a baby girl is added to this equation <3

2. We must have moved to our real home

We currently live with my parents and though they have been nothing short of gracious to us. However, I would love for us to move to our home before we have baby #2- surely, my current room would be too small for four people

3. I must lose some weight!- 
Science would be on our opposing side if I keep on gaining weight so I'm planning to skip those tempting hotdogs, boiled corn, fudge sundaes and frappuccinos to increase our chances of having a second baby..(AND SO HELP ME GOD T_T)

As always, until the next thought bubble!

To partey or not to partey- the 25,000 php budget extra challenge birthday party planning

Had a chat with a coworker today who has a lot of similarities with me- in terms of her current life status. Her son is also about to celebrate his first birthday this year and she mentioned her budget for their son's birthday- 40,000(since it will include baptism expenses also)

I was taken aback because up until this point, I was hoping that our budget for Reese's birthday would be 20,000 php tops. However, reality bites and after our enlightening conversation, I did some math and came up with these figures

Hubby and I could come up with this money but I at this point, I'm not sure that spending 25,000 for a birthday party that our son wouldn't remember excites me as much as it did last week. All the more that I am not so keen on it because of our Bacolod trip a month later, which would cost around 15,000 as well. So even though I have posted a number of entries about a safari jungle themed birthday, I am still on the edge and contemplating  whether we should push through with this party or just buy a jumbo palanggana for our boy who loves swimming. Kung pwede lang mag-alaga ng manok na kakatayin sa birthday nya, ginawa ko na. ahahahaha...

So I pray for enlightenment, and that further discussions with hubby would go well and that I'd find ways to further compress and minimize this budget. Chop-chop!