We've Been Living our Happily Ever After for

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Motherhood 101

It's 3am and I'm still awake because I just put Reese to sleep. He had his milk, I changed his diapers and checked his temperature because he had a fever earlier tonight because of his vaccines. For all that these statements represent, I decided there's no better timing than now to publish this blog.

Going back to the title..Motherhood 101. Of course, there's no such thing because motherhood, just like any relationship, will be different for every person..Nonetheless, I'd like to share in a nutshell what I've learned in the past eight weeks.

1. Havin a baby is expensive
I know it sounds stupid because as we all know, having a baby really is expensive but I didn't know that it would be this expensive. Sure, I accepted that we'd have to adjust our budget but not this much. Lemme give you a rundown of our fixed and varied monthly expenses after having Reese:

1. Yaya's salary- 2,000( we have an all-around housekeeper and that's my share for her salary)
2. Milk- 4,000( Reese's milk is Nan Pro One and we buy approximately 4 1, 000 peso packs per month)
3. Diapers- 700( He uses Mamy Poko's Power Slim diapers alternately with reusable cloth diapers. We buy 28-piece-packs every week, which costs 155-170 per pack depending on where we buy it)
*Most people think Mamy Poko is expensive but this variant is actually cheaper than Pampers comfort. It's the blue variant that is actually expensive, close to the price of Huggies
4. Distilled Water- 300(we buy 10-liter water bottles for his milk

that's already 7,000 and it still doesnt include expenses that vary such as monthly birthday cakes, sickness check ups, vitamins, vaccines and clothes. Truth be told, we've already switched to the barangay health center for his vaccines because they cost 800-4,000 per shot if we avail it from his pedia.

2. Motherhood aint just about googly eyes and candy sprinkles and angelic baby faces you upload on Facebook and Instagram. Motherhood is hard
Being an ECCD (early childhood care and development) degree holder, former preschool teacher, an Ate who took take of her two younger siblings + the power of the Internet, I was disillusioned that I'd revolutionize motherhood and somehow do most things right. To say that I was wrong does not even begin to cover it. It's been eight weeks and somehow I've eaten my words in countless ways, to name a couple:

*I've read about Dr. Ferber and the theory or method that babies are supposed to and have the ability to go to sleep on their own without rocking them to sleep, lullabies and habits that may be hard to break. When I was still pregnant, I promised myself I'd do it and after 8weeks, here's what I'd say. Ferberize my ass. If you have a crying baby at 10pm who cant go to sleep, and a household of people who have to get up at 6am the next morning to go to work or school, the only sensible thing to do is to put that baby to sleep by all means possible. Nuff said.

*For all its benefits, I said I'd breastfeed exclusively until I get back to work. I'm about to go back to work in two weeks time and I havent exclusively breastfed my son for one single day..because it's harder than I thought. I delivered via C section because of my highblood pressure and it took a while for my blood pressure to go down. While I was drinking meds, my son's pedia didnt want me to breastfeed so I just pumped it diligently and threw away the milk. By the time I've stopped drinking meds, my son was already used to his feeding bottle and so he got frustrated in sucking my nipple which yielded very little milk. I tried to make him suck once a day but after a few days, the routine of making him suck and making him frustrated, pumping the milk and adding it to his formula milk became too tedious for a mom who was still bearing the pains after the operation, continuing her home based job and tended to a growing baby who wanted milk every two hours, woke up from time to time and needed changing. So to conclude, I gave up breastfeeding because of these complex concerns.

There are many others and sometimes, I stare into nothingness thinking of how I want to be a better mother, doubting myself if I am really cut out for this, on how I could make better choices for Reese. There are times when he'd cry longer than necessary either because a)my stupid brain is darn slow in sending signals that my son is crying (bakit na nga ako nagising? you moron, your son is hungry!) or b)I am finding strength in the depths of my sleep deprived body to get up and feed him. There are also days when I'd reach into that pack of disposable diapers even though it can cause skin irritation if used too frequently because it is much more convenient than to use his reusable cloth diapers that get soaked much more quickly and needs to be washed. I am not proud, and sometimes I am not sure if the courage and character that I have are enough to be a mother.

3. Motherhood causes a whirwind of emotions
I thought post partum depression was a laughingstock because I thought..how can the joy of an angel overpower anything else? but then again, when it was my turn, I understood how it happens to some of us moms because of the change in dynamics of my relationship with people around me.

*There are days when I'd look at my husband and thank him silently for without him, I wouldnt have Reese; there are days when I'd resent him for sleeping so soundly while I try all means possible to put Reese to sleep. There are days when I love him more for all that he has done for us but there are days when I doubt how long his fidelity will last after I look at my stretch marks and smell myself after a days worth of sweat, dirty nappies and puke.

*There are days when I love my Mom more after taking care of me and taking care of Reese but there are days when I wish she wouldnt give as much advice about child rearing. There are days when I thank her silently for letting me take care of my sisters because it taught me a lot and there are days when I feel like a bad mother because I cannot be more like her.

* I love Reese more than life itself but there are days when I say crazy things to him..(cge ka, itatapon na kita sa ilog...gusto mo ba mabigay sa Intsik????) and he continues crying nonetheless.There are days when I rush home after a trip to the supermarket, because being away from him for more than two hours makes me anxious but there are days when I'd feel bad because of all the hiking trips I've missed during and after pregnancy.

 4. Motherhood is all that mushy crap and more.
You might have heard a lot of mushy crap from people and whatever it was, it's true. Loving Reese is like puppy love on a whole new level. I cant seem to talk about anything else except him. Every little thing he does fascinates me in ways I do not understand. I lose my appetite when he's ill in the same way that I feel so good when he's okay. I've seen other boys but to me, he'll always be more handsome.

It's been 9months since I first saw him as a tiny speck in my uterus. He's been out for eight weeks and I've had more than eight weeks of sleep-deprived, poop-laiden, hiking-free days but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
a chubby boy named Reese Franco is gonna be 2mos old next  week!
Thanks.. till next time!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I just saw this blog and I really love what you wrote.. Relate much! hehe I have a 4-month daughter and since that day I'm always in a zombie mode. Tiring but its all worth it for my bundle of joy. Love your baby's pic..

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